A Christmas Wish 

The sleigh landed lightly on the roof.  The powdery snow blew in huge swirls behind the sleigh. 

The reindeer stamped their hooves in the snow without making a sound inside the house. 

Out of the sleigh he crept over the white snow capped chimney top, fell on his ass and slid off the roof!  “How am I supposed to get down the chimney now?”  I wonder if they left the back door unlocked, he thought to himself, rubbing his behind.  Before he could think any further, a strange man with a knapsack & a sheriff’s badge, wandered by yelling “What’s up with them moose…. & why does one of them have a red nose?”

By this time Santa was getting fed up and yelled back to the sheriff, “Hey, if you had to find a mode of transportation in the middle of flippin Antarctica, what would you choose?”  The sheriff paused contemplating that question? 

“A nip and a tuck – twins messed me up!”  Oh my gosh, it seems Santa’s turrets syndrome kicked in again!!   

The sheriff had no response, and he was now contemplating his own sanity, so he quickly retreated back to his warm squad car and donut.  Just a little peace & quiet…. 

Not enough peace and quiet to get anything done, because as soon the sheriff sat in his car, the snow which had been quietly collecting in the branches above, decided to fall, as a group, in a not so peaceful or quiet manner.  Snow in the coffee was not the issue.  Somewhere beneath the snow now lay the doughnut which almost had a bite out of it.  “My doughnut” he cried.  A tapping made turn in time to see a twinkling eyed Santa.

“If you help me find a way into this house,” he said merrily, “I’ll split the cookies and milk with you.” 

The sheriff sat in turmoil: cookie or doughnut?  Choosing was agony, and seemed unfair.  But… he decided to calm down by popping in his favorite Aldo Nova cassette tape and grabbed some pot he stashed under his seat and took a huge hit from it.  Now the sheriff really was feeling hungry and couldn’t stop laughing at the fat man in red!!  The elves serenaded him with “jingle bells”!  Or is he hearing things.  Are they real?  Are YOU real?  Reality is perception.  “Perception “, of course, was the name of the town he patrolled, struggling to maintain order. 

“You sold my last soup….  I am crushed….  You told me you loved me.  The sheriff whispered to himself, now wondering who he was saying that to – Santa or his ex- wife.  Regardless, he knew he had to move on, on from the doughnut, on from the cookies…  “on dancer, on prancer…”  woke him and he saw a blur of red and antlers off into the sky.  Damn. It appeared that regardless, his ex-wife had now stolen the sleigh and the appointed gifts.

A Christmas breeze wind blew through an open bedroom window.  The sheriff rolled over and took the blankets with him trying to stay warm.  Soon he found himself on the floor.  Looking up in the bed and seeing his ex- wife was a real surprise.  “What are you doing here?” he asked.  She sat up, her hair in curlers and falling out.  “I’m not sure.”  She rubbed her eyes.